The Joys of Life: A Play in Two Acts
Act I: Special Feature
Scene I: Introduction
Joy-the-Introducer enters stage right
J-t-I: Thank you for coming out everyone! As a Special Feature for today’s performance, we are going to introduce you to someone who is going to be very special to our lives here at Abenteuer in Deutschland as well as direct you to some amazing and creative artwork direct out of Pullman, Washington.
Joy-the-Introducer exits stage left
Scene II: Comic Strip Critic
Joy-the-Comic-Strip-Critic enters stage left
J-t-C-S-C : This is for my brother. James are you out there?
scans audience
J-t-C-S-c : My brother has been posting his web comic rather diligently every Saturday for slightly longer than Joy-the-Blog-Poster has been posting her blog. Joy-the-Blog-Poster would like me to mention the fact that the gravatar for her blog has been changed to a picture of a Hick Potato from the Exclusive Blend comic posted on January 16th. Lets welcome Joy-the-Blog-Poster to tell us a little more.
Applause. Joy-the-Blog-Poster enters stage right with a Hick Potato in her arms.
J-t-B-P: Thank you, Thank you, very much.
J-t-C-S-C: And thank you, Joy-the-Blog-Poster. Tell us a little more about what you are doing here today.
J-t-B-P: Thank you as well. Well everyone! I would like to introduce you all to the new Cover Potato for my Blog! I give you…Hick Potato!
Applause
J-t-B-P: How are you feeling today Hick Potato?
H P: happily Spudduttas!
Poster enters stage left, walks across the stage, and exits stage right. The poster reads, “If you don’t understand, click here!”
J-t-B-P: I am very glad. You know, Hick Potato, I am currently located in Germany.
H P: affirmingly Spudduttas!
J-t-B-P: Well, in Germany, they eat A LOT of potatos.
H P: fearfully Spudduttas!
J-t-B-P: But don’t worry, as a character from Exclusive Blend and even more so as the face of Abenteuer in Deutschland, we can now guarantee that you will not be eaten.
H P: excitedly Spudduttas! Spudduttas! Spuduttas!
Poster enters stage left, crosses stage, and exits stage right. Poster reads, “Check out Exclusive Blend! http://exclusiveblend.wordpress.com!“
J-t-C-S-C: Well…I suppose James could have created him with a little more of a vocabulary, but we thank you Hick Potato! Please take our seat of honor.
takes Hick Potato from Joy-the-Blog-Poster and places him in the seat of honor. Applause.
J-t-C-S-C: And thank you Joy-the-Blog-Poster as well. Your time with us has been very informative today.
Applause. Joy-the-Blog-Poster exits stage right.
J-t-C-S-C: Yes, Exclusive Blend is an inventive and very funny comic strip. I strongly encourage you to check it out if you are interested in comic strips. It isn’t as funny as Pearls Before Swine but then again Guard Duck has been blowing up people’s houses in order to get rid of Pig’s drama cow and then sending them “woopsies” baskets of fruit when he accidentally hits the wrong house this week in Pearl’s before swine. It doesn’t get much funnier than that. A lot better than I could do in any case. I like to draw inanimate objects and make them animate…
H P: from seat of honor excitedly Spudduttas!
J-t-C-S-C: Yes, that is why we chose you as the face of Abenteuer in Deutschland Hick Potato. But as I was saying, I like to draw inanimate objects and animals. Unfortunately neither are funny…at least when I draw them.
A clock enters stage left, crosses stage, and exits stage right showing that Joy-the-Comic-Strip-Critic’s 20 minutes are up.
J-t-C-S-C: Well, that’s my cue! Thank you all for your time!
Applause. Joy-the-Comic-Strip-Critic exits stage left.
Act II: The Week
Scene I: Introduction
Joy-the-Introducer enters stage left.
J-t-I: Thank you everyone! How was that for an special treat? Not bad huh? Now on to our feature presentation. We want to explain to everyone exactly why there haven’t been any blog entries written in the past week.
Joy-the-Introducer exits stage right
Scene II: Last Weekend
Joy-from-Last-Weekend enters stage left with Joy-the-Interviewer
J-t-In: Well Joy-from-Last-Weekend, can you shed some light on the situation at hand? What is your excuse for not having any blog entries writen?
J-f-L-W: I was busy.
J-t-In: Elaborate. I think if you were so busy, you should have some material to write about.
J-f-L-W: Ja, klar. I actually visited the Kelm family in a small village named Detmold.
J-t-In: Interesting. Did you have fun?
J-f-L-W: Yes of course! The family is totally awesome and the two little girls are absolutely adorable.
J-t-In: Cute little girls? And why weren’t any pictures taken?
J-f-L-W: Come on Joy-the-Interviewer. You know I hate taking pictures! And my camera was almost out of batteries too.
J-t-In: Well did you do anything interesting or fun?
J-f-L-W: Yeah. I played with the girls. They are super crafty and fun. And then I went sledding.
J-t-In: Sledding? That sounds fun.
J-f-L-W: There was quite a bit of snow up in Detmold. But it wasn’t that much fun because I didn’t have snow boots and I managed to split the back of my pants open. And it was one of the only three pairs of pants that I like to wear.
J-t-In: So how long were you there for?
J-f-L-W: I got there late Friday night and left Saturday evening.
J-t-In: So what was your excuse for Sunday? Why couldn’t you write a blog entry then?
J-f-L-W: My netbook was being so iritatingly slow I wanted to load linux on it, only then my flash drive wouldn’t mount, and then when I finally got the flash drive to mount and managed to load the .iso of the Ubuntu Netbook remix on it the netbook wouldn’t actually read the .iso image, so I tried it like 6 times and…
cut off by loud booing from the crowd of “Geek!”, “Loser!”, and (accusingly) “Spuddutta!”
J-t-In: Alright, alright! Are you telling me you wasted a whole day messing around with a computer and did nothing else profitable?
J-f-L-W: Well…I managed to bake a banana bread and mend the back of my pants. Even though they probably aren’t good for anything except painting or something, because the tear still obviously shows. But nevertheless, some of my non supportive roommates told me that it couldn’t be done, AND I DID IT! WOOT WOOT!
J-t-In: Well…I guess you really didn’t have much time last weekend to write a blog entry. I hope this weekend is more relaxing for ya.
J-f-L-W: It is already looking up. Thanks for everything!
exits stage right.
Scene III: Monday
Joy-from-Monday enters stage right
J-t-In: Well! If it isn’t Joy-from-Monday! Great to see ya!
J-f-M: You too of course!
J-t-In: Do you have a good excuse for why you didn’t write up your blog entry for Monday?
J-f-M: too busy!
J-t-In: That’s what Joy-from-Last-Weekend said too. Are you sure? I thought Joy-from-Last-Weekend got a lot of stuff done.
J-f-M: I had to get up early in the morning even to start to get everything done.
J-t-In: Early? How early is early?
J-f-M: around 8:00….
cries from the audience….”boo!”, “that’s not early!”, (disbelievingly) “Spudduttas!”
J-t-In: Ok, ok…Sorry everyone. So what did you do with all your “early” time?
J-f-M: My parents had been nice enough to send me my boots from America because the boots in Germany are super expensive and not very comfortable. So I had to go pick them up.
J-t-In: That’s legit. Did you have any problems?
J-f-M: Well, they actually thought I had bought them in America, so they wanted a receipt or something, and I had to explain that I hadn’t bought them, and then they made me open the box up for them so they could see what was inside.
J-t-In: And there weren’t any problems there were there?
J-f-M: Not really. My mom had shoved some bags of chocolate in there too, so the man looked at them really weird for a while and then just shoved them back in the box.
J-t-In: Chocolates? That’s exciting!
J-f-M: Yeah. Except that my roommates don’t really care for American chocolate all that much. So I will probably be eating all of them. Which could be a bad thing.
J-t-In: So did this take all morning?
J-f-M: No. I had to ride the Straßenbahn for about an hour and twenty minutes, but I got back to my house around 10:50.
J-t-In: Did you do anything then?
J-f-M: I went shopping.
J-t-In: For clothes? I thought you hated clothes shopping!
J-f-M: I do, but I needed to buy some pants to replace the ones that Joy-from-Last-Weekend ripped when she was sledding.
J-t-In: Ok…and then?
J-f-M: I grabbed some food in a germanified Chinese restaurant and went to school.
J-t-In: Well thank you Joy-from-Monday! You really were busy. Thank you for your time!
J-f-M: Anytime!
Applause. Joy-from-Monday exits stage right.
Scene IV: Tuesday
Joy-from-Tuesday enters stage right.
J-t-In: Joy-from-Tuesday! Thank’s for making it here! Were too busy to write your blog as well?
J-f-T: Hmmm. yawns. Actually I got up late…
J-t-In: Not that surprising.
J-f-T: …and then I dinked around on the internet for a while….
catcalls from the audience. “Lazy!”, “Time-waster!”, (unbelievingly) “Spudduttas!” A few of the tomatoes in the front row haul themselves out of their seats and fling themselves at Joy-from-Tuesday. Joy-the-Interviewer desperately tries to get out of the way of all the splattering tomato juice but Joy-from-Tuesday just stands lazily there.
J-f-T: ….and kinda lost track of the time so I forgot to take a shower before I went to school….
the catcalls and flying tomatoes increase while Joy-the-Interviewer hastily escorts Joy-from-Tuesday off the stage.
Scene V: Wednesday
Joy-from-Wednesday enters stage left
J-t-In: Well…that was interesting. Hopefully Joy-from-Wednesday has some better excuses…
J-f-W: I was busy.
J-t-In: I’ve heard that one before. What was it this time? Boots? Visiting small cities? Fixing computers? Banana bread?
J-f-W: Actually, quite simply, I had to do school work and then I went to school.
cries from the audience of “BORING!”, “Get a life!”, and (bored) “Spudduttas!”
J-t-In: Hmm….I can see why you didn’t write an entry about that. Everyone would have probably been asleep at the end.
J-f-W: Probably.
J-t-In: Well, thank you for your time anyway. I am sure you don’t have that much more to elaborate on!
J-f-W: Anytime!
Joy-from-Wednesday exits stage left.
Scene VI: Thursday
Joy-from-Thursday enters stage right.
J-t-In: to the audience I know there have been a lot of excuses flying around, but let’s just be patient ok? Let’s hear what Joy-from-Thursday has to tell us.
to Joy-from-Thursday Well, Joy-from-Thursday? Can you shed any light on the lack of blog entries written on Thursday?
J-f-Th: I was actually sick…
J-t-In: steps back a little Not the swine flu or anything I hope…
J-f-Th: No, I was just coming down with a cold and had a hard time getting up in the morning on Thursday.
J-t-In: So did you just chill in bed all day?
J-f-Th: Yeah, I just laid around reading books in bed. I didn’t go to school either.
Cries from the audience of “Wimp!”, “It was just a little cold!”, and (disgustedly) “Spudduttas!”. Two Tomatoes hurl themselves at Joy-from-Thursday but she catches them nimbly.
J-f-Th: to the tomato in her left hand Well, I did manage to make some tomato soup as well…from real tomatoes…
The tomato jumps from her left hand back to the safety of his seat.
J-f-Th: to the tomato in her right hand …And the soup turned out quite horrible indeed…
With a cry of “horrible tomato soup…NOOOOO!” the tomato jumps back to her seat and then follows the rest of the tomatoes to the back of the room where they stand quivering.
J-f-Th: …but most of the day I spend reading books.
J-t-In: Books? Were they good books?
J-f-Th: Yes they were actually. I finished reading Ella Enchanted in German, and then I read some Asterix comics which are hilarious, and then I readBeauty which is a retelling of Beauty and the Beast and a VERY good book, and I started reading Outcasts of Sherwood by the same author as Beauty and was also quite a good book.
J-t-In: Okay then. And in between all that reading you had no time to write a blog entry?
J-f-Th: Not really…I could have made time, but I always would choose to read a book before I would choose to write anything.
J-t-In: Well anyway, thank you for your time.
Joy-from-Thursday exits stage right. Joy-the-Interviewer shows signs of being exausted.
J-t-In: quietly Only two more to go…
Scene VII: Yesterday
Joy-from-Yesterday enters stage right.
J-t-In: Well, I am going to make this as short and painful as I can. Do you, or do you not have an excuse for not writing a blog entry yesterday.
J-f-Y: Not really…I finished reading Outlaws of Sherwood yesterday. Quite a good book….but then I just had school…and then I started another book that I had bought on Amazon. The German version of The Savage Damsel and the Dwarf.
Cries of “Bookworm!”, “Nerd!”, and (provokingly) “Spudduttas!”
J-t-In: Well, that sounds very interesting…
someone in the audience cries “Not really!”
J-t-In: ignoring the audience …but I am afraid out time is very short today. Thank you for your time.
J-f-Y: No problem! Anytime.
Joy-from-Yesterday exits stage right.
Scene VIII: Today
Joy-from-Today enters stage right with her small white netbook in her hand.
J-t-In: exhausted So can you tell me why you haven’t written any blog entries?
J-f-T: typing at the same time No…actually I can’t. Because I have been typing up a transcript of what has been going on here today and I am almost ready to publish it on the blog.
J-t-In: relieved Really?
J-f-T: Absolutely
Joy-from-Today winks at the audience as she hits the publish button on her blog entry. The curtains fall down and the audience begins to go wild as the cast comes out and takes their bows.
The Joy of Germany 